Bad Habits
by Kayla the kawaii gurl
Summary: Three years... Three years and I haven't heard anything. I refuse to give up hope though, but with no one here to really comfort me it's getting harder... and my bad habits are taking over...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Listen up! I'm only going to say this one time… I do NOT own the characters of Fullmetal Alchemist…. I'm just borrowing them for this lovely reenactment of an idea I had.

Chapter One

Today had to honestly be the longest day of my life.

Exhausted I walked through the front door and dropped everything on the ground where I stood, too tired to care if my suit case had opened up and clothes were currently pouring out, and much too tired to care if I had woken anyone u—

Oh right. I forgot.

Sighing I made my way upstairs to the bathroom, figuring I would feel much better if I could just take a nice hot shower to calm my frazzled nerves. Rush Valley was still just the same, but how a vacation there turned into a long week of hard work I'll never know. I'll just pick up my things later, in fact, I'll just clean up altogether … in the morning that is. My head was starting to hurt and it was starting to get to the point where I felt like my brain was trying its hardest to escape my skull.

The shower was indeed relaxing and it actually helped my headache a bit. The hot water ended all too quickly though and I was forced to leave the safe haven of the bathroom and venture out into the big lonely yellow house of mine.

Dressing slowly I ran a brush through my damp hair and stared at myself blankly in the mirror. I noticed my eyes were a dull blue color, not like the sparkling crystal _he_ had once said they were when we were younger. My hand went limp suddenly at the seemingly old black and white memory and the brush clattered noisily on the floor. Why did I have to think of him all of a sudden? Wasn't it enough that he haunted all of my dreams… even my day dreams? Tears welled up in my eyes as they travelled to the bed where an old familiar red coat laid.

Slowly I walked over and shrugged it on, the tears finally escaping down my cheeks as I brought the fabric to my nose. After three years it still smelled somewhat like him, of course that's probably because I refused to wash the thing. It's kind of pathetic I know but why should I? This was my only connection I still had to the idiot… it was the only thing I had that still allowed me to hold on to hope and in turn keep myself sane.

Well, that and some of Granny's old spirits.

I glanced at the bottle and glass on my bedside table and sighed. Just one glass, that would definitely help me get to sleep now that I have managed to wind myself up. Pouring it I noticed that my hands were shaking slightly and I was amazed at how just an old fleeting memory of him could cause me to act like this.

Downing the drink quickly I poured myself another one… and then another… and then another, until I found my head felt like it was floating and I found myself in the sweet arms of darkness where thoughts of Granny and Edward Elric couldn't get to me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sunlight hit my eyelids and in turn my brain like someone had just swung a sack of bricks at me. Rolling over I tried to avoid the pain that the damn light was bringing but it was too late, the damage was already done. Reluctantly I rolled back over and swung my feet down on the cool wooden floor, the temperature forcing my eyes open and a stabbing pain to run like lightning through my head.

Uh, great. A hangover.

I never was much of a drinker, I don't know why I always try to carry on like I am, probably because Granny was, and I am after all her granddaughter. Groaning I managed to make my way downstairs, suddenly remembering that I had left all of my luggage and tools at the front door, not that I should really worry, it wasn't like I was waiting for anyone to walk through there. Only three people knew where the spare key was at and all three of those people were gone. I groaned again at the thought of the heavy bags. Having to haul that crap up and downstairs in my condition was going to be a hassle. Maybe I should get a glass of water and some aspirin first.

As I reached the bottom stair a quick survey of the living room and front door found that my luggage wasn't there anymore. Had I brought them upstairs last night? That's funny because I could have sworn that I had just left them there last night. Shrugging I continued on to the kitchen, that was something that I would just have to worry about later, I'm pretty sure that my stuff didn't just walk away.

Rounding the corner I glanced up and gave a quick "Hey Al," before turning to the sink and grabbing a glass. Then that's when it hit me. I spun back around and there, sitting at the kitchen table was indeed Alphonse Elric, sipping what looked like some tea out of my favorite mug. He smiled back, giving a soft "Hey Winry," and I could vaguely remember the glass slipping from my hand until it was too late and it's loud shattering brought me back to reality.

"Hey what's all the commotion about?"

My head whipped around only to come face to face with a pair of golden eyes.

Instantly my heart stopped as that damn crooked smile spread across his strikingly handsome face. He laughed slightly and smiled wider, opening his arms wide. "He Win, we're home."

The spinning in my head and the churning in my stomach got the best of me. I had no time to get to the toilet upstairs and even the sink which was right next to me before my stomach decided to empty itself. Darkness crept up into the corners of my eyes as I vaguely felt myself hitting the floor and the last thing I remembered seeing was Ed's confused and worried face.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_That's it for the first chapter… please review and let me know what you think! Thanks!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Slowly I felt myself returning to the world of consciousness with what seemed to be a hell of a headache. Unwillingly my eyes fluttered open only to be closed tightly again when I accidently peered directly into the sun's rays. Rolling over I gave myself a couple of seconds before I tried to open them again and realized that I was indeed back in my bedroom and I had indeed been dreaming he was home again.

Tears rolled down my face. It wasn't fair anymore. They were becoming more and more real the more I drank, and it just wasn't fair. Sighing I forced myself out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen, intent on getting some aspirin for real this time and forgetting about the damn… _nightmare_… that I had. They were starting to become torture, sweet torture actually, but bothersome all the same. This last one was the worst one yet. The nausea and horrible headache had been so real to me; I still had that awful taste in my mouth. Obviously I had really thrown up, that was for sure, but the rest just broke my heart to recall what I could remember. If I could only be with him in my dreams then I guess that is something I'll have to come to terms with. It also didn't help that my bad habit brought me closer and closer to him every time.

Irritated I abandoned my mission and opted to head back to my bedroom and back into my bed. I was still feeling sick, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my chest where what used to be my heart resided. Everything was getting worse; the daydreams, the memories, the nightmares. I could feel that I was slowly losing my mind, but there was nothing I could do about it. Liquor was my only friend now, and who was going to save me from it? No one, because there was no one here. I snuggled down into my bed, shoving my face down in my pillow as far as I could and wishing that I could fall into a dreamless sleep, but I knew that was impossible. Giving up I decided to just lay there; it was Saturday and I had nothing better to do.

"Hey Win, are you ok?"

I chuckled ruefully to myself. I really was losing my mind; I could still hear him in my head even while lying here wide awake. The voice was off, a little deeper than I remembered, but… wait a minute. I heard footsteps approaching my bed clear as day, one foot obviously heavier than the other, and instantly my body shot up into a sitting position. In that same instance, I found myself greeted with a pair of worried golden orbs; the very same orbs that had been plague my every conscience and unconscious thought.

Suddenly he was trying to push me back down onto the mattress, trying to get me to lie back down. "Whoa whoa whoa… you need to take it easy; I don't want you emptying your guts all over me again." I was utterly speechless. I couldn't for the life of me conjure up any sensible or rational thought. He was really here; I hadn't been dreaming it all up. No, that couldn't be it, it just couldn't be. I must have finally gone so far off the deep end that I could physically feel things in my dream. "Here, drink this."

He was propping me back up and honestly I was getting a bit irritated, all other thoughts aside. Which one did he want? For me to lie down, or sit up? Shaking my irritation away I allowed him to basically hoist me up into a sitting position as best as he could with one hand. Hold on wait, one hand? Before I could take a second look a glass of water was shoved into my hands with a simple "don't break this one either" escaping his lips. "What do you mean 'don't break this one either'?" I couldn't help the question, given my circumstance that's not what I really wanted to ask at the moment. His answer was grabbing my arm and holding it out for me to finally notice the bandages there. "You fell on some of the broken glass when you fainted."

"Oh."

Really, that's all I could say. The pain was finally kicking in and I was finally starting to realize that this wasn't a dream and this was in fact reality. I took a sip of the water, getting the nasty taste out of my mouth, letting myself soak in my latest epiphany. As I sat there, thinking about everything I found that my vision was becoming blurry and anger was rising inside of me for some reason. My eyes travelled back to his unearthly handsome face and he smiled sheepishly at me. That made my blood boil, and I lost whatever self control I had left.

*SMACK*

It all happened so fast. My hand whipped itself from under the covers and across his surprised face. He didn't even move to avoid it. When his head came back around to its original position, the look in his eyes broke what little piece of heart I had left. He took a deep breath and readied himself to speak but my hand seemed to have a mind of its own seeing as it readied itself to come into contact again with his face. He caught my hand effortlessly in his and yanked it down into his lap, holding it there with a soft but firm grip. "Win…" "Don't… just don't. I don't want to hear your explanations or your reasons…. I just…" Words failed me as he took me into his arms, his right not squeezing as hard I noticed. His warmth surrounded me and involuntarily I inhaled. The tears fell on their own suddenly. He still smelled exactly the same, like nature after it rained and something that was so… _him_… I couldn't help but give in and snuggle a bit. "Winry…" I couldn't hold it in any longer and broke down, grabbing his shirt and allowing a sob to retch itself from my body.

"I'm so sorry Win… I tried. I really tried to get back here to you. It just… took me a lot longer than expected."

Tearfully I chuckled. "You can say that again." The tears wouldn't stop but I had managed to get a hold of myself to the point where I wasn't sobbing like a toddler anymore. I couldn't look at him just yet though, knowing if I did I'd surely lose it again. Instead I pushed myself closer to him, not caring that I was in just a t-shirt and soaking him with my tears. "I missed you so much Ed… you don't even know. Granny died…" he gasped slightly but I continued on, "and then Den… and then I was all by myself…" His arms tightened around me and I could faintly tell that he was stroking my hair, running his fingers through the tangled tresses as he leaned his head on top of mine.

I was babbling, I know, but I couldn't help it, everything was just coming out in a rush. He was here and though I was still angry with him for no contact over the years, all I wanted to do was hold him there to me so he wouldn't just disappear like every other time. He was really here, and I was going to do everything I could to make sure that I wasn't alone again. "I'm sorry Win, I'm really sorry… I didn't know about granny… I just… geez, what a jerk I am, you were there for me when mom died and now… I'm so sorry Winry…" I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, his words coming to an end instantly. "I'm not going to leave you again Winry…"

I pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. They held that same determination that I had been used to all those years ago, and seeing that look again after so long made me believe everything he said. He smiled and then I frowned slightly, making his smile falter a bit. "Don't think you're off the hook just yet, no contact for three years and then you just show back up? I'm still mad at you…"

His smile returned full force and I was surprised a bit. "Don't worry; I'll make it up to you Win I promise… how you want me to do that is up to you…" I felt my face redden a bit at the simple statement. He just had no idea what he was doing to me! "You can even hit me with that damn wrench of yours… although you vomiting on me is the worst punishment yet!" Instantly my anger was back, but not full force, it was almost and enjoyable anger like it used to be when I argued with him. "Well it's all your fault! You should have never popped up on me like that! Besides, how did you get in here anyways without me hearing you?" He pointed behind me to my nightstand and I didn't have to turn around to know what he was talking about. Sheepishly I gazed at him and then back down to my hands. He didn't ask, and I didn't volunteer anything either. It's always been like that with us I guess, even after all these years nothing has changed, and why should it?

He stood suddenly, stretching and then glancing my way. Another one of his smiles spread across his face. "You feeling better?" I nodded and he extended his hand towards me, which I gladly accepted, and he helped me to my feet. I was still a bit dizzy with a headache but his chuckling brought my attention back to him… well, up to his eyes. "I'm taller than you now…" that dumb smirk was on his face. "So you are…" I briefly wondered if he still remembered when I rejected him when we were younger because I was taller than him… well there goes all the short jokes.

He surprised me yet again by wrapping his arms around me and giving me a tight hug. "I missed you… you were all I thought about while I was gone…" I smiled and surprisingly didn't cry like I felt like doing. While he was gone huh? I'd have to ask him about that later. "Welcome home." He laughed boisterously as he slung his flesh arm around my shoulders, leading us out of the bedroom.

"Yeah, it sure is great to be home."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alphonse Elric was staring at me warily as I sipped on some coffee and I couldn't help but smile. His boyish face reminded me of when we were younger and he couldn't decided if he wanted to be brave and follow us or if he wanted to play it safe and stay where he was.

"Really Al, I'm okay. I promise I won't throw up on you or anything." I heard Ed snicker beside me and gave him a swift kick under the table that only to my dismay, made him laugh out loud. Ignoring him I turned back to the younger Elric. "Really Al, it's ok. Do you… want a hug or something?" Shyly he nodded and rose from his seat to come around and give me a soft hug. "You're real…" I couldn't help but giggle at him, but I knew exactly what he was feeling. I glanced from him to Edward, who turned away embarrassed that I had caught him staring.

There was a knock at the door, but it was drowned out and I was momentarily distracted by Al's sudden babbling about how much he missed home. He was cut off however as I soon noticed the tall dark-skinned woman standing in my kitchen doorway, her arms full of groceries.

Ed ginned sheepishly, his sad excuse for and arm I noticed, behind his head as he suddenly refused to meet my questioning gaze. Alphonse looked at me with caution, probably trying to gauge me reaction to the situation at hand. I paid them both no further attention, the suddenly loud thumping in my ears being all the distraction I needed.

Ed cleared his throat and I was suddenly self-conscious. Could he hear it too? My scared, nearly dead heart was racing with fright. He was still giving me that damn sheepish grin again and I braced myself as he opened his mouth to speak. "This is Noah. She's uh… she's been travelling with us for the time we've been… gone?"

The thumping noise stopped immediately as I felt the newly healing parts of my heart shatter into what felt like a million pieces.

So, he had been travelling with a _woman _for the past couple of years? As I looked her over, anger started to rage inside of me, but surprisingly I kept my smiling face in check. She was soft looking, not at all suited for the supposed dangerous life that the two Elric brothers have been known for living on the road. She slightly resembled someone that was familiar to me… the girl from Lior. What was her name? Rose!

My heart pieces ached suddenly. Did she have the same feelings for Ed that I did? Like Rose? The way that she was looking at him, the look in her eyes, told me that she did. Who knows what happened between them? Something shook me physically and I looked up into Al's expectant face.

"Winry? Are you ok?"

Pushing my thoughts to the back of my head, it was time for me to put on an act. I was good at it I knew… seeing as I had been asked that same question time and time again for the past three years. I looked up again, this time to see that Ed was also waiting for an answer. "Oh sorry, Noah was it? It's nice to meet you; I trust that you have been taking care of my best friends?" She nodded excitedly and I cringed internally at the term I used to describe Ed and me, I guess that was all we were going to be. Suddenly I needed to get out of there, I could feel myself breaking down and I desperately needed and escape. I rose and excused myself, flying up the stairs and back into my room before Ed or Al could stop me.

Flinging myself down on the bed I buried my face into the pillow and let the tears flow, finally getting to sleep without letting my bad habits take over.

Tomorrow I was going to put on a brave face. If I couldn't have him like I wanted, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was here and alive. I would be able to live with the fact that we would just be friends…

I think.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_That's it for now. I really appreciate the reviews, please keep them coming!_


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